Gossip

Providing feedback is an essential part of  complete communication. The person who communicates has a responsibility to be clear, but his message may often be misunderstood because of the various barriers that hinder communication. Leaving an avenue open for the completion of the communication cycle is very important to facilitate correct communication. This is the responsibility of the person who communicates. The responsibility of the listeners is to respond constructively.

Feedback given inappropriately is destructive. At work and also within interpersonal relationships, providing feedback often follows patterns of gossip rather than being constructive.

Gossip tends to follow the “grapevine” at the workplace, a network of interlinking relationships based on relationship clusters that cross hierarchies and boundaries. Novelty and not the truth, is the fodder of gossip. The problem is that it continues to seek further novelty in order to sustain the relationship, which is not based on true affection or regard. Hence gossip circles become progressively malevolent  at the cost of those in the immediate environment. It is a sort of cancer, growing and feeding upon itself.

 

Gossip hides in the garb of concern. When examined, the entertainment value overwhelms true concern for people or issues.  It is a selfish habit, that propagates out of selfishness.

Gossip does not own or bear responsibility. When confronted, it disappears into the forest of unaccountability and takes shelter in the woods of irresponsibility.  It  cannot be found to be stamped out or exterminated, burrowing into caverns of camouflaged cowardice.

Gossip is progressively delightful,  and once tasted,  inspires a deep yearning for more. It is like an addiction, shackling the soul. Society frowns on addictions to alcohol and dens of substance abuse, but little recognizes that dens of gossip permeate our workplace shackling individuals and institutions with its tentacles.

What can be done to break this pervasive habit?

First it has to be recognized for what it is.  Its masquerade needs to be uncovered and its malevolence recognized by all. Individuals have to recognize the seeds gossip within themselves and be motivated to exterminate them.  Some ground rules may help:

1.     Truly and sincerely examine whether you seek the best of the other individual and of the institution.

2.     Respect one another enough to confront in love.  When doing this, try and follow these steps:

a.     Protect privacy by confronting in private and not in public

b.     Own responsibility by using the first person, such as “I heard” or “i understood”

c.      Seek clarity by expressing your doubt and inviting explanation

d.     Listen and give the other person the benefit of the doubt always.  We often come at people with preconceived notions, having already judged them prior to them speaking. This does not allow us to listen or understand the other person.

3.     Quench gossip wherever you encounter it by replacing the lie with the clarified truth, and by refusing to listen about another person when the person is not in the room or has had a chance to speak on his or her own behalf.

Unless an institution decides on a “zero gossip tolerance” it will not weed this malevolence out. Some institutions have even decided to terminate employment if this habit is practiced. It is an indicator of how seriously they protect the environment within.